i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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