My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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