Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
