he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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