have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
