This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
