"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
