Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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