after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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