So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
