The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
