Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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