Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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