chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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