do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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