he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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