i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
