I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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