Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
where are my eyebrows?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
