yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
