I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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