My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
