I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
