ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He? As in you personified your dick?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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