she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
