Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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