it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
