Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
