Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
