i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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