I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
