apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
