she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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