Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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