Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
