Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
