I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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