He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
