Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
two words: eviction party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
