I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
