did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
