Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
