.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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