i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
