During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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