She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
