there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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