Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
