Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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