I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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