i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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