I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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