I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
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WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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