i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
