so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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