My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
