My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Say something about gay babies.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
