Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
